Healthy is the New Skinny

Ok...I'll own up to it..I lied. I didn't post you pictures on Fotography Friday! I'm sorry! I WILL post you one today! I PROMISE!

Moving on...life has been crazy lazy. I'd like to say that I awake at 6am to get my school done by noon and then  spend the rest of the day walking around talking to butterflies and reading. But...this is real life. So I'm either doing the very BARE minimum of school and watching tv and sleeping. Don't judge me.

Fall is settling in...and in Iowa you never know exactly what to expect when this time of year approaches. We could have snow by the morning. NOT that I'm pulling for it. So it's October 28th and I'm FREEZING. But...I'm still enjoying fall. I LOVE fall. It's probably my favorite season. The beautiful colors on the trees are just...breathtaking. It's fall! What is NOT to like about it?! Apple pie. Apple turnovers. Apple orchards. Changing leaves. Thanksgiving. Homemade soup. Fall is glorious. Thank You Lord for fall. Amen.

Recently, I've been seeing SO many things (Mainly on Pinterest. Yes...I AM pretty much obsessed.) about how being skinny is a need. "Nothing tastes better than skinny feels." Clearly they've never had my Aunt's Banana Split Dessert. But anyway...that's pathetic. A few years ago I may have actually adopted this as my motto. But now...it just makes me sad. We tell ourselves "I NEED to be skinny." NO! Who said skinny is beautiful? Who suddenly decided that you need to be skinny to be attractive? Well they can go...jump off a bridge. Or run six miles. I'm going to eat some cookies and spend time with my family. Yes, I will try my best to keep my body healthy by working out weekly and try to eat healthy, but I will not punish my body because it doesn't look exactly like the chick on tv. We need to stop focusing on hating ourselves and getting skinny and start loving ourselves. That's not an excuse to pig out and let your body go to waste by not keeping it healthy. But where in the Bible does it say what a beautiful woman wieghs? You know a hundred years ago a woman with curves was considered gorgeous. Do you remember when people actually ADDED to their butts? They wanted them bigger! And in Anne of Green Gables Anne is jealous because she's thinner than Diana. Anne actually wants to weigh more. Amen, Anne. The point is...thin hasn't always been in. And I say we bring healthy back! (That's right, I made THAT reference. Uh-huh.) For real though, thin is not the same as healthy. And healthy is waaay better than skinny. Personally, I struggle with looking in the mirror and saying "You are pretty." I think it's boastful but...honestly, girls are so hard on themselves these days I think it's ok for us to call a spade a spade and tell ourselves we are beautiful. {Don't get cocky. Yeah, you. It's not a "I'm a diva, and look better than you." thang.} Lets start seeing ourselves how our Creator sees us. See..I don't get complimented often. Not at all. I can think of three times in my life when a boy my age has commented on my looks in a positive way (The negatives will go to my sisters boyfriend>:[ ). Once when I was about twelve a kid said "Wow...serious Hannah." on a Facebook picture. At age twelve I was pretty excited to hear a boy say something about my looks. A few years later my best friend told me a guy I knew said I was cute. I blushed. {Don't judge me} And it made me feel good about myself. Then last year at classes (Homeschooler classes...I know...I'm a rebel.) one of my guy friends commented on how he liked my bangs. Another guy friend agreed. Ok...one more. My sister's boyfriend said I looked nice at prom...score one for the sister's boyfriend.

Anyway...I learned two things from these comments. First, I'm very glad that I'm friends with the kind of boys who respectfully and sweetly compliment me. Second, when those four boys commented on my looks I wasn't super thin. In fact The first comment came in the years I call myself "butter ball". A boy still thought I was pretty. The last two were the years of my life where I wasn't diligently workingout or counting calories. So...the conclussion is...you don't have to be Kate Middleton to be attractive. Not that boys thinking you're attractive is important, but don't be afriad of not finding a man who thinks you're beautiful.

But Somebody already thinks you're beautiful. Yes. I'm about to get cheesy. But for real...the Creator who made everything that we find so beautiful in this world also made you. So sometimes we feel ugly, right? Sometimes we call ourselves ugly. So if we are also made by this Creator but say we are ugly, that doesn't make sense. The God who made everything that's so beautiful in this world turned around a made an ugly human. Well...that's not exactly consistent. See...He didn't wait to make the ugliest thing til last...He waited to be His masterpiece to top of His creation. YOU were His masterpiece. You and I are this Creator's masterpiece. Think about that, my dear. You're beautiful.

Love,

Hannah Dorothy

Fotography Friday

I took this on the way back to the car at the apple orcahrd the other day. I went with my sisters and my oldest sister's boyfriend to take some of Abi's (middle sister) senior pictures. God is creative. Amen.

<3

Fall Favorites, Mommy Mode, and Marriage

"I hate the word "hate"." Ohhh Mama...she cracks me up:)

In other news...Fall Favorites For the Day include but are not limited to;)

 1. Breakfast with my Mama

2. Homemade bread and apple jelly times five

3. Discovering Pinterest. I thought it was overrated. I was wrong.

4. Homemade noodles in spaghetti for supper. YUM.

5. Babysitting four of the most precious little boys ever. (Yes, the precious little boys I always talk about.)

Recently I've been in major mommy-mode. I need children. That sounded a wee bit weird...I don't mean I want to have a child right now, I mean that I need to babysit much, much more and that I really don't mind if someone accidently leaves their child at my house. Oh well, guess that means I can keep it. I also cannot wait to have my own children. For real...babies are so very precious and I want to be a mommy more than anything. But to have children you need a husband.

After highschool and maybe college you settle down. You get married, you have kids. Nothing is wrong with that. Nothing. Honestly, that's all I've ever wanted. 1 Corinthians 7:8 says "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do." 1 Corinthians 7:24 "Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them." 1 Corinthians 7:27 "Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife." For years all that women (most women) have wanted was to be married to the man of their dreams and because marriage is a wonderful thing we assume it's what God wants for us. I'm not saying everyone does this, there are so many people out there are so diligent in seaking God's will in their possible marriages and asking God to lead them to the right one. But...that's just it...aren't we approaching marriage as a must. A need. A fact of life? How many of us would be ok with never getting married? I think the reason Paul was saying this was because when you're married you don't have as much freedom to just pick up and go where God leads you. I'm not saying you loose freedom but you don't have the same freedom as you did before. Can I honestly say to my Savior that I will still love Him, still follow Him faithfully if marriage is not in His plans for my life? At the moment, I'm not sure I can. Sometimes it feels like I'm just waiting until I can date and find "the one" so that life can be hunky-dory but the Bible says that if you do marry you will facemany troubles (1 Cor. 7:28). I'm getting better at understanding that life will not be perfect when/if I get married, life is still life. But I feel like I don't have something I need and that something is a man. But I don't need a man. I only need a Savior and He is more than a man. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." That's beautiful. To be fully committed to the Lord. But the Bible also says in 1 Corinthians 7:28 "But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." I know marriage is (or can be, this world perverts it so much) a wonderful, wnderful God glorifying thing and in no way am I trying to sway people into "singleness". But these verses have just got me thinking. Now this is just a small portion of the Bible and what it has to say about marriage so I will continue to seek out what it says about it. Leave your views and advice in my Thought Collector (AKA comment!!) And as an online ministry pointed out the surroundings and such were different back then, but I refuse to let that be an "excuse" to ignore what these passages say. It may have been different but God knew what it was going to be like in America 2011 and He still wrote these things. Prayers as I continue to seek His will for my life are welcomed :)

On another note...ok so I'm still on the note of boys...am I such a total girl? Please, don't answer that. I was standing in front of the mirror today thinking to myself "I need to run...guys don't really find a flabby tummy attractive. Guys will think I'm pretty once I'm a little more toned." Now, mind you, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I wont be for at least three to four more years, so remind me...why do I care what boys think of me? And why do I want them noticing my body? And the boy I want to date will not date me becaus I have a toned tummy. And what do I really know about how guys think?! Why do I assume I know what the right boy finds attractive? Exactly. I don't. So...if I'm not looking for a boy why am I trying to impress all of them?

But I do need to keep my body healthy. After all...it's the dweling place of the Holy Spirit. Remember, ladies, thin is not the same thing as healthy. Prayers for keeping myself healthy are also welcome. I have serious issues with snacking too much...what else do you do while translating spanish homework?!

Many things to think about my friends...drop by the thought collector and leave your extra thoughts :)

Thanks for reading, lovelies!

Love,

Hannah Dorothy

One. Two. Three.

 Number One

I'm super excited about this blog all of a sudden..do not ask me why I just am. Oh. And I would like to announce that I now have six followers. Ba.Oosh. Any who diddle...I've got a few things I want to share to my whole six followers. I love photography so I'm starting something called Fotography Friday {Don't worry...I know that photography is in fact spelled wrong..but the f-f thing is working for me}. So keep checking back on Fridays!

Number Two

My friend told me about his blog { http://operationbeautiful.com/ } and I absolutely loved it. You gotta check it out. Anyway, I want to support her and make it a goal to put at least one random Operation Beautiful note somewhere each week. Join in and tell me how it goes:) I can't wait to get started, I'm gonna put a pad of sticky notes in my purse so I can stick one whenever I get a chance. 

Number Three

I've started a list of things I want to do this Fall and Winter and will be adding to it on here:) Join me if you want! I've already crossed a few things off mine and will add it later:)

Thanks for reading, lovelies:)
Love,
Hannah Dorothy

I Am Worth More Than Rubies

It's high noon and high time I shared my personal struggle with self-image, self-worth and self-acceptance.
I think my battle began when I was born. My parents had struggled with self-worth for years, since they were little but I didn't know that until after I'd gone through the same. When I was really young my weight was pretty normal. As a homeschooled kid the second we all got our school done my two sisters and I were out the door or up the stairs to play one of our many games. There was "Life" our personal favorite, pioneer, Narnia and many more. We were always running around our 10acres out in the country playing together. As I approached probably age nine or ten I started gaining weight...or maybe I just gained it all at once, I honestly don't remember how it happened. What I do remember is being much bigger than my best friend. I do remember not fitting into clothes very well. I do remember feeling bloated all the time and I do remember not liking myself.
I don't think people realize how much words really can hurt. Especially when we're young, we don't realize that our tongue is indeed a deadly poison that can spoil the blood of many people. [James 3:8] It was probably my twelfth year on earth when one day as I was playing on the playground with my two best friends, one of them was talking about her neighbor. Apparently he was an annoying thing called a boy and he often came to her house. One day when he went to her house he saw a picture of my friend and I, looking at the picture he said "She could stand to loose a few pounds." I was so mad I could have burst. I was so embarrassed I could have died. And I was so heartbroken I could have cried. I've never forgotten those words. I honestly don't think my friend meant to hurt me by them and I think she may have regretted even saying them. But I think that was one of the biggest moments of my childhood that hurt me so deeply, I began disliking myself. I started to get real obsessed with myself. The next few years I call my butter-ball years. I was very large and...round. it's not like I enjoyed it. I often regretted eating something and engaged in more than my share self-verbal abuse. I didn't like myself and I made sure I knew it. But somehow I could never really say no to food. To working out? That seemed to always find its way to the back of my mind. Granted during this time I was about ten or eleven. I struggled with trying to make myself feel good about myself for around two or three years when finally....I got so fed up with how I looked and felt I just cracked. I started working out all the time. Exercise was my number one priority. Not friends, not family, not school and certainly not God. I HAD to get thin. I HAD to look like the other girls. I remember telling myself "Don't eat that. Exercise, do it for ____." Insert name of my current crush. I thought he would never like me when I look like this. I drank water like it was going out of style and felt guilty a lot because of eating unhealthy stuff. Once I wrote myself a note that said "Just don't eat." When I got a Facebook I continued my self-hate on there. On nearly every picture of myself I said I looked like crap or something was wrong with my appearance. I was so self-absorbed it was ridiculous. It honestly began to annoy people how much I talked about how bad I looked. I was fishing for compliments and I thought I was being sneaky about it. Even when people did compliment me I fought with them that they were the ones who looked good not me. I also put myself down trying to build others up, but really it just made it about me again. I'm not sure when I decided to try not to eat, but somewhere along the way I did. I ate as little as possible but still ate some because I knew my Mama would think something was up. She did notice something was up, she complimented me on my commitment to exercising, and honestly that was every chance I got. I'd randomly go outside and walk around our farm (not a working farm, it's been long out of order). I was constantly compairing myself to my friends, my family and strangers. I always thought they were judging me when in fact...I was judging them. It didn't help that for some reason I believed my oldest sister thought I was disgusting and fat. I continued to workout and eat less and drink water more. And I lost weight I lost a lot of weight. At one time I was down to 125lbs. One day while jean shopping I went into the fitting room and slowly tried on a pair of jeans. When they were pulled up and zipped I wanted to dance and squeal with joy! They were a size five! A size five! And they fit ME! Oh the inch deep happiness I felt. It wouldn't last for long though. Like everyone who has been through similiar issues, it was never enough. I always needed to loose more. I'm not sure when in all this blurry mess it occured but sometime I became very desperate. I had also had friendship issues mixed in with all these other emotions and self-hating. I had gone wrong again and eaten something I shouldn't have, and a lot of it. What to do? I wanted to just undo it. But wait. I could. I'd recently read about how to do it. Just stick your fingers in and wait. It sounded easy enough. But I wouldn't do it again, it was too risky. I went up the stairs, closed the landing door, went up another flight and straight to the bathroom. I closed the door and slowly walked to the toilet. I knelt beside it and told myself I shouldn't do it, but I pushed those red flags out of my mind. I ignored my Jesus desperately trying to call me back to Him and took the plunge. I shoved two fingers in my mouth, trying to get them as far back as possible, it just hurt and made my eyes water. I gagged and gagged but nothing was coming. I stood up, wiped my eyes and went to my room. I promised myself never to do that again. But...desperation everrides all sense and promises. I did try again, at least once more. Nothing ever came up though and I was forced to work off the calories by exercising. The last time I did it, the results were the same. I stuck my fingers in, gagged, nothing came out. Again, I walked to my room. I hid in the corner with my cell phone feeling sorry for myself. {I had become a real expert at how to throw pitty-parties for myself} I texted my best friend and asked what was up. She replied with not much what about with you. I had to tell someone. My pitty and self-hate was too much for myself. So I replied, saying that I'd just tried to make myself throw up. Little did I know that her Mama read her texts and would soon find out too. I pleaded with her to just erase the message but she would get in trouble for that so she couldn't. I begged and begged anyway. She wouldn't budge...I was out of luck. Soon her mama would call my mama and my secret would be out. A day or two later my heart sank as I listened to the phone call from the living room where I was watching tv with my sister, Abi. My heart was racing like never before and I was terrifide. I texted another friend and asked what I should do. She told me to just sit and let my mom talk to me and that she'd be praying for me. So as my mama came into the room I sat on the couch, heart pounding through my chest, palms sweaty and my heart full of fear. We talked for no longer than ten or fifteen minutes and I promised never to do it again. I think she was so shocked she didn't know what else to say and I was glad for that since my sister was sitting on the other side of the Christmas tree hearing the whole thing. (I was just thankful I didn't have to look my sister in the eye) After around five tormented years full of major water drinking, working out, neglecting Jesus and my heart Jesus set me free. The date and time can't be placed since it was more of a process than a fixed time. But slowly and surely my Savior saved me again and again.

I still struggle with my image and confidence but not like I used to, those awful days are over and I try to look to my Lord for my worth now. I will never find it in size five or even size zero, only in Him who made me beautiful and precious. The God who created this beautiful planet and all the wonderful people on it didn't turn around a make an ugly you, He just doesn't know how to make ugly things.

I'd like to write more and more on this subject of worth and self-image and I'd love to hear what you have to say about it all. Please leave me questions and comments (and by comments I mean looong letters that have the name "comment"). Let me pray for you if you are also struggling with anything similar to this, heck let me pray for you no matter what you're struggling with! Remember, if you find your worth in the Lord, you will be worth more than rubies.
Love,
Hannah Dorothy

I Fail and Call, He Catches and Answers

I've been wanting to write about this for a while now, cause it's just a total God thing.
Last Sunday my youth group leaders (This is the couple with the four blondies) were hosting a dinner for Gravity (the youth group). Sure, whatever, "It'll be fun." I thought. Nice time to just hangout. But on Saturday I discovered my sister would be busy at a race (Like a car race, ya know, dirt track) with my dad and my oldest sister was busy with another youth group she helps lead. So, it was left to me.  Was I going to step out of my comfort zone and support one of my favorite families and their wonderful efforts at helping us have better relationships with God or was I going to whimp out because I'm shy? I battled it out in my mind until Sunday morning...I KNEW I needed to give it to God and that He would give me strength to go and support them, despite my desire not to go as a lone ranger. But I just couldn't give it to Him. I was afraid He really DID want me to go (why wouldn't He?!) and I really didn't want to. Sitting in church I still rolled around with it in my mind. Finally, trying to sneak around in my own mind, I did it. I just gave it to God. As silly as that sounds, it was hard for me. So it was deciceded...the Lord wanted me to show my support and go. A few momenst after walking through the door to my house my sister announced that the race had been canceled (Whaa?) due to rain. I had just come inside from a gorgeous early Fall, late Summer day and the fact that the track was only about an hour or so away was pretty silly that it had rained enough to cancel the race.
Shhhh...don't tell my sister and daddy but...I was rejoicing! Look at what God had done! Even though I selfishly hadn't wanted to give the situation to God, after I had He still listened to my fears and made a way to comfort me. It was after I had come to terms with the idea of going alone, ahem excuse, with the LORD, that He surprised me in a way I never expected. I had put my trust in Him, I had taken the step off the mountain and He didn't fail to catch me.
Doesn't that go to show just how glorious our Lord is?! Granted, I WAS sad that my Daddy and Sister had to miss out on one of the last races of the season, I'm not TOO selfish. And even if the race hadn't been canceled and I still had to go alone, the Lord was still with me. Not to mention the fact that the meal had been canceled due to the fact that a bunch of other meals were happening that night. Is our Lord awesome or what?! I would have only had to endure a normal night of Bible study with God to lean on. He's. Just. That. Cool. I failing at trusting Him and when I finally called out in fear, He caught me gently and answered my prayer in His perfect timing.
Love to all lovelies,
Hannah Dorothy