Crazy, Lazy Notes

Good morning fellows...wow I shoulda been in bed a long time ago...but we wont talk about that now.

Recently life has been...a wee bit crazy...but also a lot bit lazy. I'm a lazy person, just in case you haven't caught on to that by now.

Confession time...I stay up late and get up late. I think "Ohh...you'll drag your butt outa bed at a decent time in the morning..." yeah. right. Like, when has that ever happened?! Fo real...most of the time I don't get up before 10am. It feels so nice and cozy when I'm laying there...but I just feel worser and worser every time I do it. (Yeah...I just said worser. What can I say? I was raised by hicks and homeschooled;) So tonight I honestly commit to working on this and getting out of this baad habit.

Note. My young, beefy cat just attacked my old, fat cat. Respect, young one, respect.

Anyway...

Recently it's come to my attention that God really listens to your prayers. He listens to your not even prayers but rather your heart crying for an answer kinda things too. He knows you better than anyone. He loves you more than anyone. He cares about your well being so much He sent His Son to die for you.

.what an amazing God to have.

One night I was laying in bed thinking about a lot of things...I was looking for a verse about protection but wasn't exactly finding one. Flipping through my Bible I ended up in Psalms. I was reading one page and suddenly decided to skip to the one beside it. There it read that my Creator, my Protector knows each and every star by name and that because of His power and His might not one of them will be lost. Think how much more valuable you are to Him than stars. For real...what kind of amazing God is He?!

Oh wow...just drink it in. Be filled with all that loving kindness. Be filled right to your tippy top and then let it gush over into other peoples' lives. Now that's what life's about. Being so fulfilled by your Creator that you cannot help but let it flow out of you. Beautiful.

Good n...morning lovelies. Have a wonderful Monday.

Love,

hannah dorothy

Cozy Iowan Saturdays:)

Afternoon, ladies and gents from my corner in cold, rainy Iowa to yours. 

I'm sorry I haven't written in so long, but hey, sometimes life gets in the way of blog life;)

Thanksgiving was two days ago! Gosh...I love Thanksgiving. My family celebrates by having my mama's side of the family over and eating until all we can do is sit and stare at each other in silence. Psh! Who am I kidding? Holidays are never quiet around here! It's a lot of fun. Everyone brings waay too much food and then everyone eats waay too much food and we talk waay too much and laugh waay too much. It's pretty great and if you can get along with some crazy hicks you'll fit right in.

I've never participated in Black Friday...haha I couldn't handle it. Crowded stores are not my thing. But this year Abi (my sister) and I decided to check it out. So we got up at 1am and headed to town...ahahaha! JUST KIDDING. Nothing you can buy at the store is worth getting up that early...I don't think.

Although I would welcome that adventure one of these years.

Anyway....

Abi and I did drag our sorry bums outa bed in time to meet the oldest sister, Lizz, for lunch on her break. The chick just started at Wally World. That's right. I know, be jealous. My sister works at my favorite store. We also got our hair cut. My cutter (what do you call her?!) was nice enough to inform me that I have a cowlick. Day = made. The mall was our next stop abut we weren't too impressed with any of the sales the stores were running so we ended up at Wally World again. I did buy a red cardigan, which kind of made me super excited for the three Christmas get togethers we have coming up. It was a fun day and the perfect way to end it was...

Breaking out the Christmas decorations!

Yeeesss! I LOVE Christmas...the lights of the tree have always just been magical. So as my sisters, mama and I sang the Christmas tree up with the same music we've been listening to on that same day for years...I realized this joy and togetherness will sometime end...one day my sisters will be married with their own trees to put up and this old farm house will be lonely without our warm laughter. The moral of this story...cherish the time you have with loved ones now. You will miss it one day, I promise.

Later that night the girls {Note...I will refer to my sisters as "the girls" all the time in this blog. Don't ask why that's just what we call them {Note numero dos...we usually means my family and I}) best friend came over. Stephanie became sister number three years ago and is moving to another state for college soon:( Boo.

We all four smashed on the couch (a usual occurrence) and used two laptops to look at Pinterest. Fo real ya'll...Pinterest is a drug. We spent at least and hour and a half on it. Don't judge.

After staying up til about 1am it was difficult for me to get outa bed this morning but I finally did. My mama, sisters and I went out to my Uncle's farm to package a pig they're giving us. Granted, they cut it up for us before we put it in the bags;) I showered when we got home, had lunch with the family and now am sitting on the floor in my living room. Wind is howling outside. I'm warm and cozy inside. That's how it's supposed to be. Now that I've given you a play by play of my last few days...let's move on to more interesting subjects, yes? Yes.

I've started a prayer journal/blessings journal and I'm really enjoying it. It's a place to let all my fears go right into the hands of my Savior, right where they're supposed to be. It also helps me realize how incredibly blessed I am. No, my family isn't rich and yes we struggle with money, but I have so much. For real...at the end of a day just think about all you have that many people can't even imagine having.

My sisters have showed up on my lists at least twice already. It really makes you think.

I would also like to mention the fact that I bought a purse the other day for $7 marked down from $20. Boosh.

The Lord also dropped into my lap a $4 sweater from Hollister. BA. OOSH.

I'll sign out for now...I'm on Pinterest and watching 27 Dresses...very important matters, ya'll.

Have a wonderful, rainy, cozy Saturday,

Hannah Dorothy:)

Favorites and Failures.

Today is Thursday. Which means tomorrow is Friday. Ha...that has nothing to do with anything but I just thought I'd share=) Is anyone else like SUPER excited about Thanksgiving?! Cause I sure am! Ok..gotta admit a LOT of it is the pie baking day I've got planned with my sister {possibly even both sisters:)} or maybe it's the much loved time I get to spend with my family:) Following will be a list of Favorites and Failures of the week.

1. I thought my mama was going to kill the guy at the cellular store trying to help us get our new phones. Poor Jeremy.

2. God stepping in and having Jeremy be super sweet and understanding.

3. Jeremy, the U.S. Cellular man, told me that people actually put their phones in the microwave/oven to dry it out after dropping it in water...America is seriously starting to scare me.

4. I dropped my phone in the tiolet.

5. Pinterest and all the yummy ideas for fun Christmas food:)

6. Pies...I love making pies and I can't wait to make some for Thanksgiving.

7. Having lunch with my sisters and papa:) It consisted of ramen noodles and pop and a lot of laughs:)

8. Snuggling with my kitty cat.

9. I just like Jesus and He makes a lot of stuff bettter.

10. The song It's All About Us by He Is We featuring Owl City...:) <3

Love,

hannah dorothy

{Break}away

Whew....this has been a long weekend! But a GREAT one! Where to begin...hmmm....perhaps at the...beginning? Yes, I think so.

On Friday a mixture of high schoolers from my church, my youth group, and the town youth group (small town people...community youth group happens) loaded up and headed out in pursuit of Breakaway 2011. Breakaway is a high school conference where you compete with other church groups in a bunch of competitions. Basketball, volleyball, ping-pong, fine arts, drama and music are just a few. Our group totalled thirteen. Ten kids and three "sponsers" (leaders). The leaders were the couple with the little blonde kiddos I've talked about before? (Is that creepy that I talk about other's children on my blog? Hmmm.....) and my sister, Lizz. My other sister, Abi, and I were the two homeschoolers of the group, but everyone was so super sweet and accepting. We stopped for supper at KFC and were in and out in about ten minutes (we ate in the car). Boosh. Abi and I had been to this Taco Bell/KFC before with her best friend Steph and Steph's little brother, Andrew (He's a teenager just for the record). It'd been a long day at the Nationwide race and after driving into the ghetto looking for a food place Abi wanted to get our food, eat and get on the road but we were failing at deciding between KFC or T. Bell. As we were sitting in the drive-through not making decisions Abi knew we needed to hurry up. In an exasperated voice she said "Ok, chicken or poopy?". Oh Abi....how we love you.

Anywho...

We loaded back up and hit the road. I either read, "napped" or looked out the window. First we had to go to the high school where it was all goin' down. Registration, signing in Abi's and my photography, 3-point shots, and dodglball followed. One of the guys in our group won the guy 3-pointers and one of the girls in our group either won the girl 3-pointers or girl free throws and I just don't remember which it was:P After all that went down dodgeball was the last thing (leaders vs. kids) and then we headed to the hotel. The leaders had a meeting, we had our first "sessio" with the speaker. He was fantastic! We hung out a little, made t-shirts (yeeeees!) and went to bed around 2am after the session. For the record...I. was. free. ZING. during the night...always take sweats for overnights in November, people....always.

The next day after breakfast we went to the high school to start out the day with boys basketball three-on-three. We didn't make it very far but it was fun! One of the girls brought a cow bell...yep. It kinda made my day. Abi and I did good on our pictures, she got second on one (BOOSH!) and I got third on one of mine. After much sweet encouragement and poking from everyone I decided to play girls basketball with the other other girls with us (well...Abi didn't play, so there were five girls in all...but uh, anyway). It was a super fun day. People on our team competed in volleyball, ping-pong, backgammon, chess, free throws, basketball, photography and...I think that's it. But we watched friends compete in drama and "badle of the bands" and anything else we happened to notice them doing. It was a bunch of fun. Our team got to the championship game of volleyball so we were the last church there other than the other church playing. When we got back to the hotel we got ready for the awards banquet.

Hold up, wait a minute put a little LOVE in it!

Sorry...all I really wanted to say was hold up but that song was playing today so I thought I'd just finish it=) Anyway, my hold up is I have a major craving for french silk pie right now. Like for real...I cannot wait for Thanksgiving.

The banquet was fun, afterwards we had another session. It was amazing...the Holy Spirit was totally moving, at least in our group He was. After the session we talked for a while and the leaders gave a chance for the teens in our group to pray and give their lives to Jesus and to recommit. Everyone prayed something and a lot of us were crying. And Jesus...well...He was working. <3

 We got up off our knees and hung out while some of the groups went to get the pizza we orderd. We ate and drank (Don't worry, it was pop;) and it was fun. Today we had breakfast, moved out of our rooms and went to session numero tres. The worship was great! A guy from our town was actually leading it with his band! The style was super cool, rock. Mhm. Rocking for Jesus.

We left around...I don't know when:P But stopped soon after for lunch and then hit the road. The van with the girls in it wasn't very lively since we all slept, save for the driver of course;)

So here I is. it was a totally fun weekend and I hope I'll blog more in depth about the sessions later on.

Thanks for reading:)

Love,

Hannah Dorothy 

Healthy is the New Skinny

Ok...I'll own up to it..I lied. I didn't post you pictures on Fotography Friday! I'm sorry! I WILL post you one today! I PROMISE!

Moving on...life has been crazy lazy. I'd like to say that I awake at 6am to get my school done by noon and then  spend the rest of the day walking around talking to butterflies and reading. But...this is real life. So I'm either doing the very BARE minimum of school and watching tv and sleeping. Don't judge me.

Fall is settling in...and in Iowa you never know exactly what to expect when this time of year approaches. We could have snow by the morning. NOT that I'm pulling for it. So it's October 28th and I'm FREEZING. But...I'm still enjoying fall. I LOVE fall. It's probably my favorite season. The beautiful colors on the trees are just...breathtaking. It's fall! What is NOT to like about it?! Apple pie. Apple turnovers. Apple orchards. Changing leaves. Thanksgiving. Homemade soup. Fall is glorious. Thank You Lord for fall. Amen.

Recently, I've been seeing SO many things (Mainly on Pinterest. Yes...I AM pretty much obsessed.) about how being skinny is a need. "Nothing tastes better than skinny feels." Clearly they've never had my Aunt's Banana Split Dessert. But anyway...that's pathetic. A few years ago I may have actually adopted this as my motto. But now...it just makes me sad. We tell ourselves "I NEED to be skinny." NO! Who said skinny is beautiful? Who suddenly decided that you need to be skinny to be attractive? Well they can go...jump off a bridge. Or run six miles. I'm going to eat some cookies and spend time with my family. Yes, I will try my best to keep my body healthy by working out weekly and try to eat healthy, but I will not punish my body because it doesn't look exactly like the chick on tv. We need to stop focusing on hating ourselves and getting skinny and start loving ourselves. That's not an excuse to pig out and let your body go to waste by not keeping it healthy. But where in the Bible does it say what a beautiful woman wieghs? You know a hundred years ago a woman with curves was considered gorgeous. Do you remember when people actually ADDED to their butts? They wanted them bigger! And in Anne of Green Gables Anne is jealous because she's thinner than Diana. Anne actually wants to weigh more. Amen, Anne. The point is...thin hasn't always been in. And I say we bring healthy back! (That's right, I made THAT reference. Uh-huh.) For real though, thin is not the same as healthy. And healthy is waaay better than skinny. Personally, I struggle with looking in the mirror and saying "You are pretty." I think it's boastful but...honestly, girls are so hard on themselves these days I think it's ok for us to call a spade a spade and tell ourselves we are beautiful. {Don't get cocky. Yeah, you. It's not a "I'm a diva, and look better than you." thang.} Lets start seeing ourselves how our Creator sees us. See..I don't get complimented often. Not at all. I can think of three times in my life when a boy my age has commented on my looks in a positive way (The negatives will go to my sisters boyfriend>:[ ). Once when I was about twelve a kid said "Wow...serious Hannah." on a Facebook picture. At age twelve I was pretty excited to hear a boy say something about my looks. A few years later my best friend told me a guy I knew said I was cute. I blushed. {Don't judge me} And it made me feel good about myself. Then last year at classes (Homeschooler classes...I know...I'm a rebel.) one of my guy friends commented on how he liked my bangs. Another guy friend agreed. Ok...one more. My sister's boyfriend said I looked nice at prom...score one for the sister's boyfriend.

Anyway...I learned two things from these comments. First, I'm very glad that I'm friends with the kind of boys who respectfully and sweetly compliment me. Second, when those four boys commented on my looks I wasn't super thin. In fact The first comment came in the years I call myself "butter ball". A boy still thought I was pretty. The last two were the years of my life where I wasn't diligently workingout or counting calories. So...the conclussion is...you don't have to be Kate Middleton to be attractive. Not that boys thinking you're attractive is important, but don't be afriad of not finding a man who thinks you're beautiful.

But Somebody already thinks you're beautiful. Yes. I'm about to get cheesy. But for real...the Creator who made everything that we find so beautiful in this world also made you. So sometimes we feel ugly, right? Sometimes we call ourselves ugly. So if we are also made by this Creator but say we are ugly, that doesn't make sense. The God who made everything that's so beautiful in this world turned around a made an ugly human. Well...that's not exactly consistent. See...He didn't wait to make the ugliest thing til last...He waited to be His masterpiece to top of His creation. YOU were His masterpiece. You and I are this Creator's masterpiece. Think about that, my dear. You're beautiful.

Love,

Hannah Dorothy

Fotography Friday

I took this on the way back to the car at the apple orcahrd the other day. I went with my sisters and my oldest sister's boyfriend to take some of Abi's (middle sister) senior pictures. God is creative. Amen.

<3

Fall Favorites, Mommy Mode, and Marriage

"I hate the word "hate"." Ohhh Mama...she cracks me up:)

In other news...Fall Favorites For the Day include but are not limited to;)

 1. Breakfast with my Mama

2. Homemade bread and apple jelly times five

3. Discovering Pinterest. I thought it was overrated. I was wrong.

4. Homemade noodles in spaghetti for supper. YUM.

5. Babysitting four of the most precious little boys ever. (Yes, the precious little boys I always talk about.)

Recently I've been in major mommy-mode. I need children. That sounded a wee bit weird...I don't mean I want to have a child right now, I mean that I need to babysit much, much more and that I really don't mind if someone accidently leaves their child at my house. Oh well, guess that means I can keep it. I also cannot wait to have my own children. For real...babies are so very precious and I want to be a mommy more than anything. But to have children you need a husband.

After highschool and maybe college you settle down. You get married, you have kids. Nothing is wrong with that. Nothing. Honestly, that's all I've ever wanted. 1 Corinthians 7:8 says "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do." 1 Corinthians 7:24 "Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them." 1 Corinthians 7:27 "Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife." For years all that women (most women) have wanted was to be married to the man of their dreams and because marriage is a wonderful thing we assume it's what God wants for us. I'm not saying everyone does this, there are so many people out there are so diligent in seaking God's will in their possible marriages and asking God to lead them to the right one. But...that's just it...aren't we approaching marriage as a must. A need. A fact of life? How many of us would be ok with never getting married? I think the reason Paul was saying this was because when you're married you don't have as much freedom to just pick up and go where God leads you. I'm not saying you loose freedom but you don't have the same freedom as you did before. Can I honestly say to my Savior that I will still love Him, still follow Him faithfully if marriage is not in His plans for my life? At the moment, I'm not sure I can. Sometimes it feels like I'm just waiting until I can date and find "the one" so that life can be hunky-dory but the Bible says that if you do marry you will facemany troubles (1 Cor. 7:28). I'm getting better at understanding that life will not be perfect when/if I get married, life is still life. But I feel like I don't have something I need and that something is a man. But I don't need a man. I only need a Savior and He is more than a man. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." That's beautiful. To be fully committed to the Lord. But the Bible also says in 1 Corinthians 7:28 "But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." I know marriage is (or can be, this world perverts it so much) a wonderful, wnderful God glorifying thing and in no way am I trying to sway people into "singleness". But these verses have just got me thinking. Now this is just a small portion of the Bible and what it has to say about marriage so I will continue to seek out what it says about it. Leave your views and advice in my Thought Collector (AKA comment!!) And as an online ministry pointed out the surroundings and such were different back then, but I refuse to let that be an "excuse" to ignore what these passages say. It may have been different but God knew what it was going to be like in America 2011 and He still wrote these things. Prayers as I continue to seek His will for my life are welcomed :)

On another note...ok so I'm still on the note of boys...am I such a total girl? Please, don't answer that. I was standing in front of the mirror today thinking to myself "I need to run...guys don't really find a flabby tummy attractive. Guys will think I'm pretty once I'm a little more toned." Now, mind you, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I wont be for at least three to four more years, so remind me...why do I care what boys think of me? And why do I want them noticing my body? And the boy I want to date will not date me becaus I have a toned tummy. And what do I really know about how guys think?! Why do I assume I know what the right boy finds attractive? Exactly. I don't. So...if I'm not looking for a boy why am I trying to impress all of them?

But I do need to keep my body healthy. After all...it's the dweling place of the Holy Spirit. Remember, ladies, thin is not the same thing as healthy. Prayers for keeping myself healthy are also welcome. I have serious issues with snacking too much...what else do you do while translating spanish homework?!

Many things to think about my friends...drop by the thought collector and leave your extra thoughts :)

Thanks for reading, lovelies!

Love,

Hannah Dorothy

One. Two. Three.

 Number One

I'm super excited about this blog all of a sudden..do not ask me why I just am. Oh. And I would like to announce that I now have six followers. Ba.Oosh. Any who diddle...I've got a few things I want to share to my whole six followers. I love photography so I'm starting something called Fotography Friday {Don't worry...I know that photography is in fact spelled wrong..but the f-f thing is working for me}. So keep checking back on Fridays!

Number Two

My friend told me about his blog { http://operationbeautiful.com/ } and I absolutely loved it. You gotta check it out. Anyway, I want to support her and make it a goal to put at least one random Operation Beautiful note somewhere each week. Join in and tell me how it goes:) I can't wait to get started, I'm gonna put a pad of sticky notes in my purse so I can stick one whenever I get a chance. 

Number Three

I've started a list of things I want to do this Fall and Winter and will be adding to it on here:) Join me if you want! I've already crossed a few things off mine and will add it later:)

Thanks for reading, lovelies:)
Love,
Hannah Dorothy

I Am Worth More Than Rubies

It's high noon and high time I shared my personal struggle with self-image, self-worth and self-acceptance.
I think my battle began when I was born. My parents had struggled with self-worth for years, since they were little but I didn't know that until after I'd gone through the same. When I was really young my weight was pretty normal. As a homeschooled kid the second we all got our school done my two sisters and I were out the door or up the stairs to play one of our many games. There was "Life" our personal favorite, pioneer, Narnia and many more. We were always running around our 10acres out in the country playing together. As I approached probably age nine or ten I started gaining weight...or maybe I just gained it all at once, I honestly don't remember how it happened. What I do remember is being much bigger than my best friend. I do remember not fitting into clothes very well. I do remember feeling bloated all the time and I do remember not liking myself.
I don't think people realize how much words really can hurt. Especially when we're young, we don't realize that our tongue is indeed a deadly poison that can spoil the blood of many people. [James 3:8] It was probably my twelfth year on earth when one day as I was playing on the playground with my two best friends, one of them was talking about her neighbor. Apparently he was an annoying thing called a boy and he often came to her house. One day when he went to her house he saw a picture of my friend and I, looking at the picture he said "She could stand to loose a few pounds." I was so mad I could have burst. I was so embarrassed I could have died. And I was so heartbroken I could have cried. I've never forgotten those words. I honestly don't think my friend meant to hurt me by them and I think she may have regretted even saying them. But I think that was one of the biggest moments of my childhood that hurt me so deeply, I began disliking myself. I started to get real obsessed with myself. The next few years I call my butter-ball years. I was very large and...round. it's not like I enjoyed it. I often regretted eating something and engaged in more than my share self-verbal abuse. I didn't like myself and I made sure I knew it. But somehow I could never really say no to food. To working out? That seemed to always find its way to the back of my mind. Granted during this time I was about ten or eleven. I struggled with trying to make myself feel good about myself for around two or three years when finally....I got so fed up with how I looked and felt I just cracked. I started working out all the time. Exercise was my number one priority. Not friends, not family, not school and certainly not God. I HAD to get thin. I HAD to look like the other girls. I remember telling myself "Don't eat that. Exercise, do it for ____." Insert name of my current crush. I thought he would never like me when I look like this. I drank water like it was going out of style and felt guilty a lot because of eating unhealthy stuff. Once I wrote myself a note that said "Just don't eat." When I got a Facebook I continued my self-hate on there. On nearly every picture of myself I said I looked like crap or something was wrong with my appearance. I was so self-absorbed it was ridiculous. It honestly began to annoy people how much I talked about how bad I looked. I was fishing for compliments and I thought I was being sneaky about it. Even when people did compliment me I fought with them that they were the ones who looked good not me. I also put myself down trying to build others up, but really it just made it about me again. I'm not sure when I decided to try not to eat, but somewhere along the way I did. I ate as little as possible but still ate some because I knew my Mama would think something was up. She did notice something was up, she complimented me on my commitment to exercising, and honestly that was every chance I got. I'd randomly go outside and walk around our farm (not a working farm, it's been long out of order). I was constantly compairing myself to my friends, my family and strangers. I always thought they were judging me when in fact...I was judging them. It didn't help that for some reason I believed my oldest sister thought I was disgusting and fat. I continued to workout and eat less and drink water more. And I lost weight I lost a lot of weight. At one time I was down to 125lbs. One day while jean shopping I went into the fitting room and slowly tried on a pair of jeans. When they were pulled up and zipped I wanted to dance and squeal with joy! They were a size five! A size five! And they fit ME! Oh the inch deep happiness I felt. It wouldn't last for long though. Like everyone who has been through similiar issues, it was never enough. I always needed to loose more. I'm not sure when in all this blurry mess it occured but sometime I became very desperate. I had also had friendship issues mixed in with all these other emotions and self-hating. I had gone wrong again and eaten something I shouldn't have, and a lot of it. What to do? I wanted to just undo it. But wait. I could. I'd recently read about how to do it. Just stick your fingers in and wait. It sounded easy enough. But I wouldn't do it again, it was too risky. I went up the stairs, closed the landing door, went up another flight and straight to the bathroom. I closed the door and slowly walked to the toilet. I knelt beside it and told myself I shouldn't do it, but I pushed those red flags out of my mind. I ignored my Jesus desperately trying to call me back to Him and took the plunge. I shoved two fingers in my mouth, trying to get them as far back as possible, it just hurt and made my eyes water. I gagged and gagged but nothing was coming. I stood up, wiped my eyes and went to my room. I promised myself never to do that again. But...desperation everrides all sense and promises. I did try again, at least once more. Nothing ever came up though and I was forced to work off the calories by exercising. The last time I did it, the results were the same. I stuck my fingers in, gagged, nothing came out. Again, I walked to my room. I hid in the corner with my cell phone feeling sorry for myself. {I had become a real expert at how to throw pitty-parties for myself} I texted my best friend and asked what was up. She replied with not much what about with you. I had to tell someone. My pitty and self-hate was too much for myself. So I replied, saying that I'd just tried to make myself throw up. Little did I know that her Mama read her texts and would soon find out too. I pleaded with her to just erase the message but she would get in trouble for that so she couldn't. I begged and begged anyway. She wouldn't budge...I was out of luck. Soon her mama would call my mama and my secret would be out. A day or two later my heart sank as I listened to the phone call from the living room where I was watching tv with my sister, Abi. My heart was racing like never before and I was terrifide. I texted another friend and asked what I should do. She told me to just sit and let my mom talk to me and that she'd be praying for me. So as my mama came into the room I sat on the couch, heart pounding through my chest, palms sweaty and my heart full of fear. We talked for no longer than ten or fifteen minutes and I promised never to do it again. I think she was so shocked she didn't know what else to say and I was glad for that since my sister was sitting on the other side of the Christmas tree hearing the whole thing. (I was just thankful I didn't have to look my sister in the eye) After around five tormented years full of major water drinking, working out, neglecting Jesus and my heart Jesus set me free. The date and time can't be placed since it was more of a process than a fixed time. But slowly and surely my Savior saved me again and again.

I still struggle with my image and confidence but not like I used to, those awful days are over and I try to look to my Lord for my worth now. I will never find it in size five or even size zero, only in Him who made me beautiful and precious. The God who created this beautiful planet and all the wonderful people on it didn't turn around a make an ugly you, He just doesn't know how to make ugly things.

I'd like to write more and more on this subject of worth and self-image and I'd love to hear what you have to say about it all. Please leave me questions and comments (and by comments I mean looong letters that have the name "comment"). Let me pray for you if you are also struggling with anything similar to this, heck let me pray for you no matter what you're struggling with! Remember, if you find your worth in the Lord, you will be worth more than rubies.
Love,
Hannah Dorothy

I Fail and Call, He Catches and Answers

I've been wanting to write about this for a while now, cause it's just a total God thing.
Last Sunday my youth group leaders (This is the couple with the four blondies) were hosting a dinner for Gravity (the youth group). Sure, whatever, "It'll be fun." I thought. Nice time to just hangout. But on Saturday I discovered my sister would be busy at a race (Like a car race, ya know, dirt track) with my dad and my oldest sister was busy with another youth group she helps lead. So, it was left to me.  Was I going to step out of my comfort zone and support one of my favorite families and their wonderful efforts at helping us have better relationships with God or was I going to whimp out because I'm shy? I battled it out in my mind until Sunday morning...I KNEW I needed to give it to God and that He would give me strength to go and support them, despite my desire not to go as a lone ranger. But I just couldn't give it to Him. I was afraid He really DID want me to go (why wouldn't He?!) and I really didn't want to. Sitting in church I still rolled around with it in my mind. Finally, trying to sneak around in my own mind, I did it. I just gave it to God. As silly as that sounds, it was hard for me. So it was deciceded...the Lord wanted me to show my support and go. A few momenst after walking through the door to my house my sister announced that the race had been canceled (Whaa?) due to rain. I had just come inside from a gorgeous early Fall, late Summer day and the fact that the track was only about an hour or so away was pretty silly that it had rained enough to cancel the race.
Shhhh...don't tell my sister and daddy but...I was rejoicing! Look at what God had done! Even though I selfishly hadn't wanted to give the situation to God, after I had He still listened to my fears and made a way to comfort me. It was after I had come to terms with the idea of going alone, ahem excuse, with the LORD, that He surprised me in a way I never expected. I had put my trust in Him, I had taken the step off the mountain and He didn't fail to catch me.
Doesn't that go to show just how glorious our Lord is?! Granted, I WAS sad that my Daddy and Sister had to miss out on one of the last races of the season, I'm not TOO selfish. And even if the race hadn't been canceled and I still had to go alone, the Lord was still with me. Not to mention the fact that the meal had been canceled due to the fact that a bunch of other meals were happening that night. Is our Lord awesome or what?! I would have only had to endure a normal night of Bible study with God to lean on. He's. Just. That. Cool. I failing at trusting Him and when I finally called out in fear, He caught me gently and answered my prayer in His perfect timing.
Love to all lovelies,
Hannah Dorothy

A Country Kind of Fall

A country kind of fall...oh how I've missed these days. The days of hoodies and jeans. The days filled with warm, glowing homes. The days spent with a hot cup of cocoa and school. The days God gave me. God gives us every single day to bring glory to Him. He wants us to rejoice in the day He has carefully crafted for us! He wants us to find the small beauties and joys of the day, run after the tiny pieces of magical lovelies He left for us to discover. Fall is a time for hayrides with the 4-H group, bonfires with the youth group and loud, crazy, wonderful, sweet, huge dinners with my extended family. Something about fall..I'm not sure what it is that makes life so magical during this time of year...maybe it's the left over flowers trying to still bloom, or perhaps the purifying sheets of rain that fall so quickly, And oh the smell...there's no way to describe it...but the smell of rain in the Fall is just precious to me. The cool breeze the blows and the sound of the trees rustling together. When you stand in the middle of my driveway and look out towards the fields you see beans for miles. Golden rivers of beans and miles of rolling hills and pastures. And with the rain falling it makes every color seem a little brighter. I looked out my window yesterday and saw that the line of walnut trees beside my house was raining leaves. It was beautiful. It continued to rain them steadily for about a minute or two until the last one had fallen to the ground to stay peacefully. In conclusion to my paragraph of Mid-Western Fall loveliness I will now add a list of my
Fall Favorites From Today
1. Waking up at a decent time so I could have breakfast with my parents.
2. Making myself feel clean with a much needed shower.
3. Tidying up my room so I could do school in it.
4. Taking only an hour and a hlaf to do my Chemistry and Spanish.
5. Looking out my window to see rain peacefully falling.
6. Having the nearly uncontainable urge to go to the apple orchard.
7. Having breath in my lungs.
8. Snuggling with my old, chubby cat, Howie.
9. Having homemade soup on the stove with the smell dancing through the air.
10. Taking an evening drive with my sister to town for movies and a run to the bank.
11. Finding out I've (Correction...God has HELPED me) saved more than expected for Drivers Ed.
12. Working on my homecoming dress with my Mama (A close girl friend has taken me the past two years with a group of people:)
13. Hearing the sounds of crickets outside my window.
14. Sitting on my front porch while writing most of this post.
15. Being able to have yet another...country kind of fall. <3
That's all for tonight:) Jesus loves you!
Love,
Hannah Dorothy

Peace...{In the Eye of The Hurricane}

Peace...what's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "peace"? Two figures helped up for the sign? Or maybe the saying "peace be with you". Or how about absoluately nothing. We so often think that peace is when nothing is happening and everything is...quiet. Relaxed. Boring? These days I think peace is thought of as overrated. Like "Dude, who wants peace? It's boring." And of course having the word quiet come to mind right after peace doesn't help. (Peace and quiet) But peace is so much greater...so much harder, so much crazier! Peace is not having nothing going on, peace is having the presence of God in your life to the point of even when things are crazy, hard, making you cry, pulling your hair out, you are still peaceful in the Lord and His precious promises. Peace is trusting in God, peace is the absence of fear.
Don't take what I say as the gosple truth, read the Bible and tell me if it lines up with what God teaches, don't just take my word for it.
Peace to me is also when...at times just want to give my opinion left and right to what people are saying but, the peace part is having the peace of God to hold my tounge and be ok with things.
And I'd like to give credit to Me In Motion for the insperational song Eye of the Hurricane from which I derived my title! Amazing song, yo, check it out.
On the topic of music....Jai. I'm not even sure how to say her name but her music is great! She's like Christian Lady GaGa but better and more rap-y. So check her out!
That is all the rambling I have for tonight. Be strong in the Lord:)
Jesus loves you!
<3 ,
 Hannah Dorothy

The Purpose.

You see when I first got the idea of this blog, it was straight from the Lord. It wasn't a wonderful idea I pulled out of my sinful heart but a pure idea that God put on my heart. What I wanted, what I'd hoped this blog would become was a place to come and talk about our imperfections. A place to gather ideas, desires and thoughts. My hope was that in all things, it would above all bring glory to God. My hope was that it would be an encouragement to my beloved sisters and brothers in Christ. One topic I wanted to base my blog on was friendships, relationships with the opposite gender.
Who else is so tired and worn out by all these wonderful, beautiful young women letting the possession of their hearts pass from boy to boy? Heart break is a fact of life. Is it? It doesn't have to be. But a hard truth is...we as humans are lazy. We don't want to work to keep our hearts safe. We are deceived into thinking that we should expect our hearts to be broken, and even that it's romantic for our hearts to be broken. We think, well since everyone says that heartbreak is unavoidable why bother guarding it? We think that one day a boy will come along and unbrake it for us. That he will be so wonderful that our hearts will suddenly be whole again to thrust into his loving hands. Though this man will be amazing, God-centered and as loving as can be, he cannot fix what has been broken so completely. He is not the super glue we need to piece together our shattered pieces. He can't do it. He just doesn't know how, he can't love that completely. Mr. Perfect is not perfect. By this I mean that we have set our men up for failure when we wait for our "Mr. Perfect" because no matter how wonderfully amazing he is, he will never be perfect. Nor will we. There is only one Mr. Perfect, He created the stars and the moon. He created love. He created you.
 Provers 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."  Pure, beauty, untouched, unharmed, unbroken. Those are the words that come to mind when I read that verse. The wellspring of life. It doesn't say that the heart is important in life, it doesn't say that the heart should be expected to be broken, no it says that the heart should be carefully guarded because it is the very place where life comes into us through the Creator. We so often say that God didn't provide us with instructions on how to deal with our hearts but that is such a lie! He tells us right here what we need to do. Psalms 119:9 "How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word."
(Phew...I'd just like to say that I LOVE that blogger has the ability to save your work when you accidentally navigate away from your posting page. Perhaps Satan was trying to make me lose all my writing so I couldn't share this with you all?) 2 Peter 1:3-4 says "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." He has given us everything we need. Let me repeat. He has given us everything we need for a godly life. We can never say that God doesn't tell us what to do about this or that situation because He tells us He has given us everything we need.
By now you may be thinking that I'm a homeschooler who lives with her nine siblings, perfectly godly parents. You probably think "This chick has been living under a rock her whole life and just doesn't understand what the real world is like. She's probably never even heard of Taylor Swift." Haha! I don't live under a rock, actually. I'm fairly social and I understand what the "real world" is like. And yes, I have indeed heard of Taylor Swift, the girl is on my iPod. Many, many times have I sat in my car feeling sorry for my myself while I wholeheartedly sang along to Invisible, You Belong With Me and many more. She made me feel like the world had done me wrong and that I deserved better. She made me so emotional. She made me sigh and think of the boy I liked. And hope and dream of the day he realized he liked me. Oh. Brother. How self-centered. I made myself the victim countless times and thought that some day this boy I liked so much would realize how silly he was being liking another girl (a very close friend) and come find me. But of course, I wouldn't approach him, I would be the quiet one no one ever noticed until he did. Again. Oh. Brother. Now, I am so embarrassed by my thoughts and desires. I am so embarrassed by all the times I tried to separate myself from my friends because I wanted to be the forgotten one so I could feel sorry for myself. Goodness. Taylor Swift was my go to girl for a long time.
I got so stuck in my self-pitty it started to really affect my life. I mean this boy WAS my life. I thought about him all the time. I was getting mad so easily, about the silliest things. I was becoming the very person I didn't want to. I yelled at my sister one night for not ejecting my ipod before unplugging it, something I'd done countless times. As I apologized to her over texts she asked what was wrong.
 Snap.
 I let my sob story fly and began to work in every detail I could that would make her feel sorry for me. My life had become terrible because the boy I liked didn't like me and I was so mad that my friends liked him too. (May I remind you that this is in a CHRISTIAN setting. These girls and I were "strong" Christians. Went to Bible Study twice a week if not more, Church every Sunday, but that didn't mean we/I were/was maintaining our relationships with God) After I had poured out my dramatic tail my sister made my eyes bug. She made me so angry I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to hear what she had to tell me but I knew it was true and I knew I needed to finally listen. She told me in not so many words that it wasn't as tragic as I made it out to be. I wasn't the only one who had ever gone through it. She told me that if I was that hurt by it all than I had let the boy take too much of my heart, or rather I had given him too much of it. He had taken nothing (He didn't realize I had feelings for him) and even if he had "taken" it, he couldn't have taken anything I didn't give him. I pleaded that I couldn't just stop liking him.
Bang.
She gently but firmly told me I was wrong. It is more than possible to stop liking someone. She knew from experience. She continued to tell me that it wasn't something I could even begin to try to do on my own, that my strength had to come from God and God alone. No one else would be able to help me through it. Wanting to plug my ears, or block her texts, I reluctantly listened as she shared her advice with me and explained that of course it's not somethng I would want to do but it was something that would be better for my relationship with God. I continued to think about one thing she said that I earlier stated. The part where she said that if I was that hurt by it all than I had allowed too much of my heart to be given to him and too much of my heart to be taken from God. I knew she was right. I knew I needed to do this. I knew that this boy had taken over my life and that I had indeed allowed way too much of my heart to be taken from His loving hands. In trying to get love from this boy I had become bitter towards a dear friend, I had allowed jealousy to take over me, I was angry with the world for not getting the love I desperately wanted. But how could the small amount of love I was chasing after from this boy compare to the storm of love my Creator wanted to shower down on me? This boy wasn't what I needed, though I desperately wanted him, I needed the unblemished, pure love of the One who died to have me for His own.
So after this expierence, the quesion was continually on my mind, how can I have good, strong brother/sister relationships with boys? How can I guard my heart? How can I save myself for my husband? How can I prepare myself for marriage? What do I really want in a husband?
My family had always had a strong base of waiting until we were ready to get marry to date. That may sound old fashioned but for real, what else is dating for? You date to find the one you will marry and you don't need to know who you will marry until you're ready to get married. You don't need to know his name until you're both ready to make a serious commitment to love each other.  But even though I knew I wasn't going to date until I was at least eighteen it was unbelievably hard to gaurd my heart. I wanted love and acceptance now and I thought I would find it in a boy. I thought that when I got older and found "the one" everything would be different. Everything would be perfect. But I slowly realized a boy wasn't going to fix all my problems. He was possibly going to add a few more. I guess I never really finished my story.
So after my sister told me the hard truth I told God to have the keys to my heart. That they were His and I asked Him to please keep them safe for my future husband because I knew I couldn't since I had so carelessly given them to a boy who had feelings for another girl. In Song of Songs 4:12 it says that I am "a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain." How beautiful! Oh..I could talk about this for hours! But since it's nearly one in the morning I wont get too deep unto this verse but save it for another post. But according to this verse I'm a garden, and so are you, a garden that is locked. Imagine a sparkling garden full of wildflowers and green grass. Trees to shade you from the sun and every other magical detail you can imagine. Now imagine you're in that garden. It's your garden. In this garden is your purity, your virginity, your innocence, your love, your joy, your peace, pattience, kindness, goodness. Everything you are is here in this place. One day your're joyfully walking in your garden. You look past the strong brick wall that surrounds your garden to see a man. He's exactly the right height for you, he dresses nicely and his smile melts you to the core. He seems like all you could ask for, you hastily unlock the gate and invite him in. For a while he drinks in every part of your garden. He makes it blossom even more. But ffter a while he decides he doesn't like a particular part of your garden and tries to make it die. He tramples the flowers and cracks lets the paths grow over with weeds. You don't understand he was supposed to take care of your garden with you. The grass has gone brown and prickly and the flowers are slowly dying from lack of rain. Your garden is no longer beautiful like it once was. This man that was all you could ask for is angry. He doesn't want to be in your garden anymore and quickly tears through your gate, leaving the lock broken. He looked so perfect, he acted so wonderful what happened? You thought you loved him, you certainly felt deeply for him. And you thought maybe...he loved you too.

Love is not a feeling, it's a choice. We are wrong in thinking that it's an emotional two people share. You can chose to love anyone. It wont always be easy but it can be done. We often mistake emotions and hormones for love.

I'm so excited to blog more on this subject. It's one I have a passion for. Although I will say now, that I by no means know everything about it and I wont always be right. This blog is where I will write my thoughts and reveltaions as I stumble along trying to figure out how to have relationships with boys without letting it go any farther than friendship for now. Here I hope to answer questions and talk with others about what they think about the subject of boys and girls. Comments from boys are welcome! Because people are so afraid to talk about what God wants for us in purity us young people are left to ourselves to figureout what to do with dating, sex and friendship with the opposite gender. We are so often left without someone to encourage us to go to God with our questions about these things. Fighting to keep our gardens beautiful and pure and locked is...the purpose.
Love,
Hannah Dorothy

Short and Sweet

Hey!
I've felt like blogging kind of all day...I don't know why. Maybe I wanted to say that Jesus is just really cool and I love Him. Or perhaps I wanted to share that babies really make me smile. OR possibly it was the desire to talk to someone and share my wonderful day in church. Eh, probably all of those things combined. But, it's late and I should get to bed. So, I'll make this short and sweet.
I'm not really sure how to not make this next sentence cheesy so I'l just say it (cheese included) I wanna hear from you! What are topics YOU want to talk about? Not just have me blab at you about, but what are things you want to have a conversation with a fourteen year old Christian girl? OR what would you like to hear me blog about? Let me know! Until then these posts will stay a little random at best haha. I hope to soon blog about some Jesus stuff but at the moment I NEED to get to bed, and I can't do that until I get off this computer and spend some time with Jesus. SO! Comment and give me some ideas of what issues are important to you that you're struggling with and want an opinion on. I cannot promise I'll be right but I'll do my best in blogging in a non judgemental way from a Jesus loving background.
Jesus loves you!,
Hannah Dorothy

Sophomore Year? {Jerehmiah 29:11}

Hello!
Today was the first day of school. Ah! WHERE did summer go?! It honestly went WOOSH and was gone. I spent the last night of summer babysitting four of THE cutest little boys ever. Four little blonde brothers and did I mention the middle two are twins? Yeah. I know. I'm blessed to know such precious people:) Any-who-diddle...this morning I got up at ten to eight, showered and got ready for school. By the time I helped my sister pack our lunch for school it was time to go at about ten fifteen.
Oh. You're probably really lost...haha see I'm homeschooled. GASP! No, I'm not a shletred freak who doesn't know who Justin Bieber is. Not saying homeschoolers are freaks, cause they're not, but that's how a lot of people see homeschoolers I know. I've been homeschooled all my life and I'm nearly fifteen. The following list is answers to some expected questions about homeschooling/homeschoolers...
- Yes, sometimes I don't get dressed and do my school in my PJ's.
- Yes, I do sleep in a lot but this year I plan to change that. And P.S. A lot of homeschoolers do NOT sleep in at all. I'm just...special
- Yes, I infact have many friends and some of them are even NOT homeschooled!
- No, I do not consider myself socially awkward and yes I can carry on a pretty lively conversation with people outside of my family.
- Yes, I'm allowed to leave the house.
- No, I don't finish my school by noon, although some of my friends are that cool and can get it done that early.
There ya have it. If you still have questions feel free to ask;)
So even though I'm homeschooled, my family is part of a homeschool group which pretty much means...it's a public school for homeschoolers...ok so not EXACTLY. In MY homeschool group we have fieldtrips galore, a library where we can check out all kinds of stuff (school books, reading books, games, whatever) and classes. The classes are anything from electives to basics like math, composition, literature, history and so on.
SO we headed out to school (I call it school, and just an FYI these classes take place at an elementary school that our homeschool group is run through. Oh and the classes are only with other homeschooled kids) and got there for my first class. Chemistry. Yay? Haha it's not that bad.  I actually think it'll be kinda fun. And after class (which is like 2hours with a lunch break in the middle) I had a free period with my sister and my two best friends (they happen to be sisters too). That was about an hour and half. My sister and I played scrabble on my itouch and talked with my friends. Then it was Spanish class. And it went surprisingly well! I understood way more than I thought I would and Jesus was totally holding my hand through the whole class:) And I'm looking forward to Spanish 3 and actually memorizing like I should:P Anyway...that was about my first day. I'm so excited to see what God has in store for this school year. But, unlike last year, I REFUSE to let school be my number one. God is the ONLY One. If that made any sense. I'm REALLY looking forward to AWANA starting again. AWANA is pretty much a youth group for ages like...four year olds to High Schoolers.
Random. The other night at youth group (Different youth group, it's called Gravity and is super great.) we were going over some verses I'd read a lot and talking about other Bible stories I'd heard a bunch. As I sat there nodding my head and a bit dazed I looked over at the looks on  the other high schoolers faces. I don't think they've been churched all their lives like I have so it makes sense what I saw. Total awe. (That rhymed. Just sayin') They were amazed at a story I was like "Yeah, yeah, I've heard this one before." And it made me think.  Shouldn't that be MY reaction? I mean those stories ARE amazing<--- but just because I've heard the stories a bunch doesn't make them any less amazing. Something to think about. Oh. And Jesus is great. I love Him a lot.
Well there you have it. My first REAL post! Haha, I hope a bunch more are to come. But before you close this window, COMMENT! The reason I started this blog was to talk to others about life and God so get talkin'!
Jesus loves you,
Hannah Dorothy

Hello For the First Time!

Hey y'all!
I'm so excited to be starting this blog and hope you enjoy reading it as much as I'm sure I'll enjoy writing it! I should warn you now though...I have a serious problem with rambling about people/things I love...especially Jesus. It's safe to say pretty much every post will have something to do with my Savior since He's the reason for the blog! The whole reason I'm starting this blog is because I believe in fellowship with other believers. It's SO important to encourage each other in our faith and to help each other through hard times! This blog will be a place for me to express my thoughts, dreams, hopes, prayers, questions and much more. I hope to be able to help others in their walk with our precious Lord and at ALL times feel FREE to ask questions! I don't want this blog to be a place that is full of judgment and Bible thumping. I want it to be a place where I can challange you (and YOU challange me!) in your faith to help it grow stronger as I try desperately to cling to Jesus along with you. Romans 12:2 is my life verse. God tells me with this verse, you CAN change, you don't have to be caught up in the worlds ways! I want to please the Lord above all else with this blog.
Check back for my first REAL post!
Sweet dreams,
Hannah Dorothy